Extremly crazy making brain of a public school teacher

Random ramble: This week is more of an art with journal thought. 

I am Trying to take the right amount of responsibility but not too much responsibility in my teaching work.... thinking about our school measures of success which are vital to surviving capitalism (how long will that even last at this point?)... but often working on these skills with kids can end up feeling sooo production-oriented in a way that feeds this control machine inside me, our systems and everywhere that I hate. In the same ways my friends who have children are struggling to think about child rearing as there are SO many opinions about the best and most harmful things to do...it's the same with my struggle in teaching... wars of different ideologies and also little sound bytes about how to be the best educator running contrary to each other. Trying to find myself in it all and what I think how can I make my internal monologue coherent and cohesive? How can I fight the control machine and let people be themselves and be bored, apathetic, dislike things etc. without having no accountability? IT'S HARD.